Sunday Stream #1: My Life, Sans Failure

 

Sunday Streams Preface

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Since I began this blog, I wanted to put a focus on personal fulfillment and intentional living inside my own life. Part of that was going to be achieved by regular digital journal entries.

Recently, I discovered a list containing 400 journal prompts, and I will be using these to structure my weekly Sunday journal entries.

Originally, I had a desire to practice stream of consciousness writing on these days. Completely unstructured writing that follows a meditative practice. This is meant to be a source of therapy and a spark of creativity, stemming deep from your subconscious mind.

Well, I couldn't choose just one of these practices.

...So I'm combining them.

There. Take that.

Before beginning each of these “streams”, each Sunday I am going to practice yoga in the morning. I’ll end with a 5-10 minute savasana or guided meditation session. I will focus and meditate specifically on my prompt. I will allow the prompt to spark thoughts and emotions inside while I lay in stillness.

Immediately following the practice, I will begin a faux stream of conscious style of writing. All the writing will be somehow sparked or related to the prompt.

I only set a few rules for myself:

  • Rule #1:  Always meditate first.
  • Rule #2:  Write the stream with a physical pen and paper.
  • Rule #3:  Only formatting and punctuation edits may be made. No edits to content.
  • Rule #4:  Every stream gets published.

 

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Today, I participated in my first Sunday Stream. From Playa Dominical in Costa Rica, right on the beach. Tough life, right?

I practiced a brief restorative yoga flow, mostly seated in the sand by the ocean. I followed it with a meditation practice, starting with a slow body scan with intentional breath work, followed by focusing on my first prompt:

"What would I do if I knew I would not fail?"

Focusing on this prompt was rather hard. I imagined failure, and recognized the feeling of fear that immediately resonated within. I spent most of my meditation session trying to accept this feeling of fear without judgement. I also must admit that I was not fully relaxed, fully present in my meditative state. I was distracted by the sounds of people on the beach, distracted by thoughts of them watching me.

The resulting stream of writing seems a bit mechanical, a bit uninspiring.

I'm afraid my method may be a bit counter-intuitive, but only time will tell. I am going to continue nonetheless. You have to start somewhere, right?

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Sunday Streams #1: My Life Without The Risk Of Failure

Failure is an interesting concept.

What defines it? Does it need to be defined? Or is it something that even exists?

(I doubt it)

Failure feels impossible when you understand that all we have is the present moment. All we have is now.

Even failure bears no burden when all  need to do is respond to (and accept) the current moment. 

I have been afraid of failure all my life, since my earliest memory. I aimed to please, to impress, to receive recognition. 

Now, I have no interest in succumbing to my fear of failure. I will not give it power.

When I imagine what I would do if I knew I could not fail, I imagine a changed world. I imagine building non-profit organizations to fuel world change. To save animals and children and human kind.

I imagine building successful businesses and selling them to profit and help further the business itself. I imagine using the prosperity and freedom that results to travel more and see what the world needs more or less of. What the world needs from me.

I imagine assisting Mother Nature in restoring herself to greatness.

Through philanthropy and business skills, who knows what I will be able to create for the world. The only limitation that always seems to hold me back is...money.

The lack of. The never enough of. The feeling of not having. 

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To not fear failure, I need to not fear money and not fear debt. Debt is temporary. Having money is temporary.

Why not take the debt leap and build the business I want to build? Buy the land I want to buy? Start living the dream I always play out in my mind?

Because of more fear.

Fear of not being smart enough, clever enough, savvy enough!

My ego is feeding me constant thoughts of insanity. The constant thought of: I am not good enough.

EasyStart Marketing deserves my confidence and bravery. Nik deserves that from me as well. So does Zach [my business partner], my friends, my family.

The world deserves that from me as well. After all, that's who I plan to help, isn't it?

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Time to stop being afraid, making excuses, and listening to my mind and not responding to Being.

My first step would be to plan the next 5 years of EasyStart growth. Budget the funds. Then take out a loan to accomplish what we need to. Hire a sales rep an an assistant for social media, both part time. We would run two print ads, maybe three. Solid designs. Target real estate, mortgage, home improvement.

We'd get it done. Girls just wanna have fun.

I'd be diligent with numbers. Part time accountant. Buy a booth at a trade show. Represent ourselves confidently and take rejection with stride.

I would write full time, freelancing until we were generating enough profit for both Zach and I to take a full time salary. Work these numbers out. Today.

I know that we will not fail. I know that I will not fail.

I know that if we respond only to what our current moment needs, we cannot fail.


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Phew

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm glad that's over. First Sunday Stream entry down. Kind of awkward. Kind of revealing. A little personal.

You can kind of tell where I started getting distracted. Robotic. Tuning in against my will to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

But you'd better believe I celebrated today's small win with a giant piña colada, sitting seaside. 

Look at that smile.

With love from Costa Rica,
Vanessa